Seeking the Risqué: A Story of Non-Monogamy

My guest Adam Darrow shares his experience of being in an open relationship for many years with a fiercely independent woman. He reflects on how non-monogamy reshaped his understanding of himself, his enduring draw to risk, and whether he'd ever choose this type of relationship again.

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Transcript

Intro

Speaker 1 0:14

This is Shamron, and you're listening to Open Hearts, Hidden Truths. My guest joining me today has a very unique perspective on masculinity, monogamy, relationships, sex. Adam Darrow has written a memoir, Seek the Risk, that delves into his journey into non-monogamy at the age of 40 with a woman named Jane. They were together for over a decade. He writes, getting out of my comfort zone is the best way I've found to force myself to grow. So therefore I have made a concerted effort in my life to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. So your journey into non-monogamy. What's really interesting about your book is that even though there's a plethora of sex in your book, there's an escapade probably on just about every page. Give or take.

Speaker 2 1:28

Give or take.

Speaker 1 1:28

The irony is that I don't find your book to be about sex at all. I find it to be about your journey into growth, into self-discovery. How do you see it?

Speaker 2 1:29

No, you you you nailed it. Um the the balance for me when I was writing it was trying to be truthful about what was going on, because there wasn't a lot of sex in the journey, without making it salacious or let not too salacious, and really talking about uh the my the emotional journey I went on as I went through this relationship. So striking that balance was was pretty difficult, um, but uh sounds like I managed to thread the needle.

Speaker 1 1:55

So your book starts off with you over a hundred feet below the ocean.

Speaker 2 2:00

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 2:02

Have you always been a big risk taker?

Speaker 2 2:04

I think so. Um I grew up in New York City in the late 80s and 90s, which was a pretty r rough and tumble place. And I think that that upbringing really kind of shaped for me the idea of not really adrenaline junkie, but just experience hunting, right? Going for different experiences that leave marks on me, be them emotional, physical, whatever. It's just I I liked, I liked things that were challenging. I liked things that were different. I tried to stay away from the mundane throughout my life. And there was plenty of opportunities to do that growing up in New York City. And then as I got older and left New York, to college, and then went out into the world, that manifested itself in how I lived my life, was just going for these experiences to try and see what I felt or see what I did. I meet her when I'm 37. Uh and there's three years of sort of a little, I don't know, docy-doing around each other.

Speaker 1 2:59

A little tango.

Speaker 2 3:01

A little tangoing before we finally start regular connection.

Speaker 1 3:06

Was there something that was missing in your life emotionally right before you met Jane?

Speaker 2 3:12

Actually, there was. My best friend had been killed uh a a little bit before that. And he was my roommate, someone who I'd been doing a lot of building projects with, construction. Uh and after he died, I uh it was a big vacuuming. We were we were living together for three years and um in the in the same building. And after he was gone, I I had a that was like one of the it was one of the reckonings in my life, a real pivot point when I realized how fragile life is, relationships are, and that relationships above all else is how I decided I was gonna live my my life and make sure that I the people that were in my life that I cared about, that I was gonna invest a lot of energy in keeping those relationships close because you never know when they're gonna be gone.

Speaker 1 3:55

So was it your best friend's death then that sort of compelled you to push the envelope even more?

Speaker 2 4:03

No, I I don't think so. I mean, he was he and I were at competitors with each other at one point in the extreme sports world and then just buddies and went out and did crazy adventures with each other. Um his death didn't um no, it didn't really change that at all, I'd have to say. If anything, it toned it back slightly. Um but that's I think that's just a natural reaction when when there's a travesty, you know, a tragedy that, ooh, maybe you pull back on things a little bit and and and and reconsider. I I had from the moment I met her, which was at a dinner party at my house, I was struck by this woman who uh checked every box of what I desired in a mate in terms of intelligence, in terms of attitude, outgoingness, uh looks, um, body, brain, body, and heart, I call it, right? Uh but she was an absolute wild woman. And she was significantly uh younger than I was, uh, by about 13 years. Um I was very much struck by her, but her intelligence and the way we connected on our conversations when we did cross paths, I just was drawn to her. And it wasn't, it took about three years of dancing around each other a couple of hookups before we started spending some significant time together one weekend, and really the the intellectual connection became very apparent. And that's when we started hooking up with regularity, and it sort of went towards being a relationship. It wasn't like all of a sudden we just were in a relationship after three years. It just all of a sudden we realized, hey, we like spending time with each other, so let's spend more time with each other.

Speaker 1 5:39

Was part of the attraction that she was so impossible to tame?

The Risk and the Risqué

Speaker 2 5:43

I don't think so. I I've never been someone who has to go for the impossible in terms of a relationship or a mate. Um the real attraction before before I got so emotionally invested in her, the real attraction was this incredibly intelligent, gorgeous woman who was crazy sexually, had just this incredible reputation. And I was like, well, that looks like a lot of fun. She looks like a lot of fun. I like her, and that journey is something I think I'd like to go on. I wasn't even thinking relationship at that point. I was just thinking friend with benefits, I guess, for lack of a better term.

Speaker 1 6:18

Did you see this relationship as a risk in any way?

Speaker 2 6:21

Once it became apparent that that's where we were headed was towards the relationship, it was big risk. I mean, she was very upfront with me about who she was in terms of not she had been non-monogamous, she wasn't gonna do monogamy. She was very clear, I have sex with lots of people. You know I have sex with lots of people. Uh it's it was she was very public about who she was. And if she was clear, look, if you're gonna be in a relationship with me, this is who I am, you're gonna have to deal with deal with that. And that was a huge risk to me. Uh I had a long conversation at one scene in the book on when I'm riding my bike through Brooklyn, and I'm going through I I'm basically going on a long thought experiment of like, is this risk worth worth it? What am I what could I get out of this? What am I risking and and what am I what am I gaining?

Speaker 1 7:08

Was that part of the appeal that, oh, this is wild, this is new, this is...

Speaker 2 7:14

100%. Yeah, absolutely. It was something new and different. It was something that scared it was something that scared me. And therefore things that scare me, I'm sort of drawn to because I want to know why they scare me.

Speaker 1 7:23

I can relate to that. I'm definitely drawn to risk, to an element of risk, of challenge.

Speaker 2 7:30

Yeah. I mean, I think in the in the book, there right before I meet Jane, I talk about wow, my life has gotten really comfortable. I was I was uh working on Wall Street, I everything was going great, and but when things get too comfortable, I tend to like to burn the house down. So you can't do that.

Speaker 1 7:48

That that's what I gather, yeah. I mean, there's um there's wild and then there's wild. What I do like is that from the very beginning, Jane was very upfront with her needs, with what she was about. She was crystal clear. And that was refreshing. As your relationship progressed and as the years went by, I found her level of self-absorption to be maddening.

Speaker 2 8:13

Yeah, I mean, absolutely. It's as it as I got deeper, as we got deeper into the relationship, and the book covers the 10 years that that that we were together. Um I guess spoiler alert, we we are no longer together, but um yes, as I at first I was so overwhelmed with with the relationship. I'd never done non-monogamy before, much less the kind of what she was. I mean, that was I called that extreme non-monogamy, what what she wanted to practice. And initially I was so overwhelmed by it, I didn't have real, I didn't even know what my needs were. I was just trying to understand the environment and try to exist in it and try to understand my own feelings in regards to that. And it wasn't until about halfway through the relationship, um, maybe about six years in, when I finally get very comfortable and we're having this relationship, and I'm sort of I've I've, for lack of a better term, uh acclimatized to the whole non-monogamy world is when I started noticing, wait a second, I actually have some emotional needs that aren't being met by this person who is so self-absorbed. And that's when the cracks started to occur. And um and I always was very clear if I'm gonna say no to this relationship, I want to say no because it's not the relationship I want to be in, not because I'm scared to find out.

Speaker 1 9:27

So what about for the first six years, though? I mean, how did you handle that for the first six years?

Speaker 2 9:33

Well, the the book is broken up into three acts. So three, three, and three. And so the the first three years was just getting to know Jane. She was finishing school, uh, us moving in together. It was, it was, and my first uh she moved in was when I finally had the non-monogamy in my face. Up to that point, she was up at school. It was sort of like a don't ask, don't tell thing. So I didn't really uh fully understand the ramifications of what I had gotten myself into until we moved in together. And then the the and that was about three years in. And then those next three years was me just trying to understand what was going on, and I get broken down to the bottom before I start building myself back up to trying to understand why I was having such a hard time with it. Uh and it's also one of the, I think one of the things that I didn't do in the book was explain how wonderful all the other aspects of this relationship were. I mean, we went on trips together, we went surfing trips together, climbing trips together, theater, museums, art, music. We had an absolute blast together. There was just this one component that I was, that I was really struggling with. But I'm also someone who's really kind of likes struggles where I'm learning. Struggle just for the sake of struggle is is is useless. That's just, that's just um, if you're a masochist, right? I'm not a masochist. The struggle seemed very interesting to me because I felt that it was illuminating things about my psyche that I didn't even know existed because I'd never, no one had ever scratched those buttons before. You know, I talk about non monogamy being a really sharp knife to get through thick skin. I felt I had really thick skin before I got into this relationship and realized, wow, you know, there's a lot about myself that I had never confronted. And the relationship was allowing me to do that. And so that in itself, that journey was incredibly attractive, which is mostly what I wrote about.

Speaker 1 11:23

Can you elaborate on some of these elements that you're referring to?

Speaker 2 11:27

Uh sure. Uh obviously with non-monogamy, there's a whole host of complications that you may not normally uh engage with when you're in a monogamous relationship. Uh jealousy is uh first among them. Understanding jealousy was was interesting to me because all the data suggested that Jane was always with me. I was her boyfriend, she was my girlfriend. She was just having these track, wife. By this point, we were husband and wife. Um she just liked to engage in a lot of casual sex. So the jealousy is like, well, what am I jealous of? And I'm trying to understand, am I afraid she's gonna leave me? And that didn't make any sense given how entwined our lives were. So I tried to understand where jealousy was coming from. A lot of it came from insecurities within me. Um from childhood, even I found out that I had a heavy dose of imposter syndrome that I thought I had gotten rid of, but here I am in my mid-40s, and finding out the imposter syndrome was driving a lot of the emotions that I was having with Jane. And when I identified that, like Jane, Jane was never saying, I'm gonna leave you, never saying, oh, I don't care about you. She was saying, this is who I am, I'm doing this. So she wasn't doing anything to me. I was choosing to be there. So why was I having these reactions? And that was a that was a brilliant, I think it's chapter nine uh that where I go really deep into my childhood stuff and try to understand. And that was great. The the second, the second thing that the relationship really exposed was this idea of how I define my masculinity. Because up to that point, a lot of my masculinity, I didn't realize it had been defined by how the world saw me, either through the sports I did or through how my heterosexuality expressed the world with my partner. And Jane was incredibly public about her non-monogamy. She's a sex educator, she's very vocal. So when we started uh actually having a real relationship and then marriage, all my friends and family and even employees and such saw me with a woman who was out sleeping with other men and talking about it. So in my eyes, in their eyes, my masculinity sort of went to zero. And in my eyes, it did too, because I realized I was defining so much of my own self-worth and my own masculinity by second-party validation. And that whole process really exposed it. And I was forced to, if I wanted to think of myself certain ways, I had to find other markers, to decide how I wanted to think about my masculinity, decide how I wanted to present to the world. And I didn't even realize how much I was relying on that second-party validation until this whole experience with Jane.

Speaker 1 14:05

Do you think that's common for most men?

Speaker 2 14:08

I would say young men for sure. Um I don't know. I'd say that I don't even know if it's men, uh only men. I think a lot of a lot of us do it. We look, we look we look at how the world sees us and then we see ourselves that way, or how we think the world sees us. Do I think it's common among men? I I guess I do. I don't think I don't think I'm that different than most people. So if it was happening to me, I would think, yeah, I would think it's happening to a lot of men. Um it's just when we decide to start being introspective and looking under the hood and deciding, you know, what work are we going to do on ourselves to um uh to change that if we want to change it.

Speaker 1 14:49

Maybe you wanted to explore that in a way that other people want to bury it.

Speaker 2 14:54

Yeah, uh that I would agree with. Yeah, I I tend to when I see the thread, I want to pull it. I want to know, what's going on? Why do I feel that way? What's happening? What's really happening? It's very easy to point the finger outward. Oh, you made me feel this way. This did this to me, instead of going, wait a second, why am I reacting this way? What why are my emotions reacting the way um they are? And you know, the book kind of goes back and forth between my extreme sports competition in my 20s and through this relationship. And it was all that sports um competing I did where we had to manage fears and manage emotions that really helped me in this uh relationship because very often you want to explode outward with emotion and get angry. And when you're doing certain sports, you can't let emotions get the best of you, certainly not competing, but also when you're out rock climbing or whatever it is, if you know the the the um book starts out with uh free diving, which is you know tankless uh diving to really deep depths. And you can't panic, you can't let an emotional responses happen. So all that training really helped in this regard and allowed me to be really introspective.

Speaker 1 15:59

So there's a direct correlation between your love of extreme sports and the life with Jane of non-monogamy.

Speaker 2 16:07

I would say so. I mean, I it's I I look at the arc of my life and I have always gone towards the edgier things. I've always I've always tried to push myself in places that were really uncomfortable for me. You know, I think there's a quote in a book that I uh I tried to get comfortable being uncomfortable. That's how I wanted to live my life. So I'm constantly putting myself in discomfort to see what to see what happens. Getting out of your box is the only way to really grow, I think, because that's that's when you're gonna start reacting. You know, the fight or flight emotions start coming up and and you need to understand them.

Speaker 1 16:39

So I understand how it challenged you, you know, and it challenged your masculinity and it forced you to look at your masculinity in a way that you hadn't before. But what about um having respect for for her partner and respecting his desire for privacy and not broadcasting every little private moment? There's something to be said about that.

Speaker 2 17:05

I totally agree with you. Um, there is a point in the book where she goes too far with that.

Speaker 1 17:12

Yes. I know what you're referring to.

Speaker 2 17:12

Yeah. And uh I don't want to spoil it for people, but um and she goes too far and she starts revealing some incredibly private things. And I that's when I finally was like, okay, this enough. That went too far. Up to that point, I was kind of liking the edginess of it. Like I I kind of felt like, okay, this is out there, but I'm I also I also really respected the work she was doing uh with her sex education and and and such. Because I I I mean, she's fighting the good fight. Not always doing it in the correct manner, but she is fighting the good fight. So I was it was fun to be along for that until until it went beyond where I was comfortable. And she ended up breaking up with me over that uh and left and like I didn't see her for two days because she thought I was being uh a weak man, that I couldn't I couldn't be strong enough, and and so we had a whole back and forth, and she ended up apologizing and come back, coming back. But yeah, that that was that there was there were some tough moments for me there.

Speaker 1 18:10

Her lack of empathy was troubling. I found it troubling.

Speaker 2 18:16

I mean, it's ultimately what caused the relationship to to event to for us to separate.

Speaker 1 18:21

Did your friends and family share my sentiments?

Speaker 2 18:25

Well, the journey that I was going on, the struggles was was that she didn't even know what was going on with me. I kept a very good veneer about who I was and what I was doing and how I was existing in a relationship. In fact, when she read the first draft of the book, she was like, this was really going on? I was like, yeah. So no one really knew my struggles from and and that's actually how I wrote the book, because one of my friends was like, he was getting into Nodanachimity and he said, How did you do it? It was so smooth and easy the way you did it. And I was like, actually it wasn't. And I told him the whole thing. He's like, dude, you have to write that into a book. So people didn't, I mean, she's a she's a she's a tough sell in some ways, and people either love her or hate her kind of thing. So it depends on who they were, but most people were pretty supportive of the relationship because they didn't see the deep struggle that I was going through.

Speaker 1 19:17

Do you wish that you would have shared what you were going through with more people for support?

Speaker 2 19:22

Yeah, I don't know. Um I don't know. Because I I wasn't even I mean, I think I I wasn't in therapy. I probably should have been. I probably should have had a therapist at the time. Um but I'm someone who's always journaled my entire life, and that's how I work through a lot of stuff. That's how I always have. Being an only child, I didn't really have brothers and sisters to talk to. I made good friends, but um yeah, I don't know. It's it's it is an interesting question. I don't know if I would have come through it in the way I did. I'm not saying better or worse, but I did so much introspection because I had to. And I I don't I don't know if if I had been continually confiding in friends about it, would that have helped to hurt? And I'm not suggesting that confiding in friends is a bad thing. I'm just saying that my friends, this idea, this relationship was so beyond their world. I I don't know if they could have actually done anything more than just be there. I don't think they would have had anything to add. It was beyond my world too. I'd never had never thought and seen anything like this either.

Speaker 1 20:25

Yeah, your emotional pain was very apparent throughout the pages, and it it jumped off many, many times. And I found myself rooting for you. And I found myself rooting for you to leave her.

Speaker 2 20:39

I did. We left each other, really, to be fair.

Speaker 1 20:43

You used words like hopeless, worthless. I mean, this was really messing with your emotional state.

Speaker 2 20:50

Well, uh remember, those those words were the emotions that were coming up in me, and I was trying to understand them. And I really felt so many of those emotions were based in things that had happened to me long ago that had nothing to do with sex, relationships, or even Jane. So I wanted to make sure that I wasn't taking past trauma or past hurts or past psych whatever failings of my psyche and looking at Jane in this relationship, saying, oh, that's to blame. Like, no, that's the catalyst that's bringing up these things for me. So I I I tried to make sure I separated that. Like I wasn't purely blaming her, but certainly some of her actions were inexcusable.

Speaker 1 21:32

I didn't think you were blaming her because once again, you were choosing all of this. I mean, you were you were, you know, you were not being coerced. She was upfront from the get-go. I I guess I was getting a little frustrated with you because you were choosing this emotional turmoil, Adam.

Speaker 2 21:49

Yes, but I knew I also knew, I mean, as someone who's gone through emotional turmoil at various points in my life, I knew that this particular turmoil I was going through was going to make me a better person. Personally, I knew I was going to be a better version of myself. I was going to have so much of a better understanding of who I was. I really felt that. So it wasn't just pain for the sake of pain. It was pain because A, I thought it would illuminate a lot about myself. I'd become a better version of myself. And B, we had a lot of fun together. I mean, the we had this crazy wonderful sex life for 10 years, which was a lot of fun. I can't say it wasn't.

Speaker 1 22:25

I mean, you must have had a lot of fun. Otherwise, you wouldn't have stayed. I mean, it must have been a good, good time.

Torn in Hindsight

Speaker 2 22:32

It was. I have no regrets on it at all. There's nothing I would say, wow, I wish that hadn't had. There's no part of me that wishes that. It was an incredible experience. Learned so much, saw so much, traveled together. I mean, there was a lot of there was a lot of wonderful things, a lot of wonderful all aspects of life.

Speaker 1 22:51

What would you have done differently?

Speaker 2 22:54

I would have had more I would have had a little more respect for myself. And I would have I I well the problem was I didn't even understand my own emotions. You know, I go back and say, well, I would have shared more stuff with her, but I didn't even really understand what I was going through. So I don't, I wouldn't even know what to have shared. I just know I was struggling. I didn't understand why. And she had made it clear that all her past boyfriends and lovers had had, they had tried to change her. They'd gotten very angry with her. And she's like, I don't have any patience for this. This is who I am. You're choosing to be here. You you handle your stuff. Um, so she was very clear from the beginning that she was not going to be uh a supportive partner for the emotional bit. Now, in fairness to Jane, she has we have, we're we're the best of friends now, and she has profusely apologized. She was like, oh my God, I was so that was so challenging for you. I really apologize. She's apologizing. We're the best of friends. She was pretty young. We were she was 25 when we got together. Um it was uh it was a different time. So I don't I I wish I had shared more, but yeah, that's an interesting question. That's the only thing I question. Would I have done that differently? And if I had, would it have been better or worse?

Speaker 1 24:09

How did it affect your relationships moving forward in your next relationship? How how did you do things differently because of Jane?

Speaker 2 24:17

Well, certainly my self-confidence was dramatically improved. Uh and I mean I already had a good amount of self-confidence, but now it was coming from a different place. Uh the confidence I had as a younger man was coming from this second party validation. And after this whole experience, I saw how much I had been basing on that, and I started looking internally for a lot more of my confidence, my masculinity, my self-assuredness, my groundedness. So that I I would venture to say I was a much better person to be in a relationship after this relationship, uh, because I understood myself so much better. Now, a couple of at least one person, once they found out about my history with Jane, was like, yeah, that's too much for me, and wasn't really interested in dating me after knowing what I had gone through. Uh, but everyone else has been pretty supportive that I've that I've um they've all just everyone I've dated since then has read the book and and has really appreciated it, actually.

Speaker 1 25:11

Hmm. That's interesting. I love hearing how people react to things because we all have a different reaction. The way we we process information and even things that don't directly involve us, maybe it brought out something in her that she wasn't comfortable with.

Speaker 2 25:28

Yeah. Um it could have been. I I know someone at least at least someone else, she got second-party feedback from someone else about the guy she was with. So it may have may have had something to do with that.

Speaker 1 25:39

Your family and your friends, there's they've been supportive of your book and your in your public chats and all of that.

Speaker 2 25:46

Aaron Powell Yeah, actually. And what's remarkable is the journey they went on with my like a number of them were very like, what are you doing? Why would you why would you let your woman do that? And um uh they were really totally it there in their eyes, Jane's value went to nothing as soon as they found out she, you know, was a slut, you know, or even she defined herself that way, but that's that's a whole nother story. They they were really very judgmental of her and me, harshly. Uh but over the journey, they all came around and they were like, wow, that was they actually one of my best friends, like, you're way stronger a man than I could ever be. I don't know how you were able to do that, but that is the most impressive thing I've ever seen. So that felt really good to get support after a number of years of them questioning my choices. I mean, it would have been great to be in couples counseling, actually. That would have been awesome.

Speaker 1 26:39

Did you suggest it?

Speaker 2 26:41

No, no, that wasn't even on the radar. I end the book saying I never want to do a relationship like that again. Uh I mean, Jane actually doesn't even want a relationship like that again. Um, she's in she's in her 40s now. Um so uh no, I I I don't ever want to do that again. Now, strict monogamy, you know, after going through what I went through, strict monogamy seems seems like a tough way to live for the rest of my life. Doesn't, but I do want a partner. I I I like a life partner. Uh now, if is there some flexibility now and again and what that means? I don't know what that means. Every relationship is different. But the idea of, you know, I will only be attracted to one woman for the rest of my life and I will only look at that one woman and only be with that woman, that that seems, that seems very constricting on its on its own. That doesn't mean I may I may meet someone that that's the relationship I want with them. I'm not gonna button, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna pigeonhole myself. And if Jane had been more empathetic, maybe that extreme relationship would have worked. I I'm I try not to put too many limits on myself. At least, but now I know what what I like and what I don't like. And what I like is feeling very connected to my partner. And however that manifests itself, that's what I like. I like directing my attention at them and I like them directing their attention at me. Not 24/7, no, but I want to feel like I'm a priority. And I like making them my priority.

Speaker 1 28:07

Yeah. I I definitely got the sense that you were um you were feeling emotionally empty towards the end of the book when someone else sort of entered the picture that was letting you know, gee, I really miss that closeness.

Speaker 2 28:23

Yeah. I wasn't even aware that I was missing it until I met that other woman. And oh wow, someone who emotionally cares about me. Empathetic. And it was like mainlining a drug. It was un I couldn't believe how starved I was. I didn't realize it.

Speaker 1 28:38

Did you feel that you lost yourself in order to find yourself?

Speaker 2 28:44

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I lost myself into the whole world that I was brought into with her. And I wasn't sure. I mean, at the you know, the bottom, the book, you know, I start out high, I come down, I get broken down, then I build back up. And at that lowest point, I was lost. I didn't even know who I was anymore. Uh, just because I was dealing with emotions I'd never dealt with before. I was feeling things I'd never felt before. I'd never had a relationship that had ever challenged me. I had been seeking challenge in my life, my entire life, in terms of sports and then in terms of the business world. And here was the first time I sought a challenge in a relationship. And I had no instruction manual, I had no mentor, I had no one I could talk to. Or at least I'm sure I could have found a therapist if I had thought that was if I had thought of that, which I would absolutely do now. Now I'm in therapy. You are. Yeah, absolutely. Therapy's wonderful. Oh my God, it's the greatest thing ever.

Speaker 1 29:41

I think it just depends on the person, the situation, the therapist, all these different components.

Speaker 2 29:46

Absolutely.

Calm in the Little Things

Speaker 1 29:47

Who is Adam today?

Speaker 2 29:51

I helped someone else write a book that just came out. I'm working on another book right now, so writing is a big part of my life. I fell in love with writing uh when I wrote this book, Seek the Risk. Uh so I decided I stopped working and a regular job, stopped going to an office. Now I um but uh a lot of that has to do with uh I needed I wanted to spend as much time with my parents. Uh my dad recently died, my mom is about to, so I'm I'm I'm dedicating a lot of time to them. That's part of the reason. But also I worked my ass off for a long time and now I'm sort of deciding to spend my uh my day on uh my days doing more artistic pursuits. Although I still still do engage a lot with the extreme sports with a lot of my friends that I made during that time, and that's how I uh that's how I have fun. But I've become a lot calmer. I've become a lot more grounded, uh I've become a lot more satisfied uh with simple things. Um, you know, the book the book ends with uh me going through with that cross-country ski just through the woods for no other reason than just to be in nature. And that's something I never ever used to do. Just have that calm and those that peaceful times with myself just to exist. And dedicating or spending making sure I dedicate time to stuff like that is is a very different person now than I was the person in the book or even the person growing up. So um I'm I'm still the adventure seeker. I'm still uh an experience hunter. I still looking for, I still like living with a little edge in my life. Where can I purchase your book? Uh well, you can find me uh at uh seeketherisk.net is the book's website. Uh and if any listeners want to reach out to me, you can reach me at Adam at seeketherisk.net. And um it's available in all formats. And if you listen to the audiobook, you get to hear Jane and me read our parts.

Speaker 1 31:47

Growth often occurs when we challenge ourselves, when we get out of our comfort zone. A turning point that forces us to evolve and re-evaluate. What are you feeling? Talk to me. If you're enjoying this podcast, click the subscribe button. If you have a similar experience you'd like to share, drop me an email or a DM at Open Hearts Hidden Truths.